guy ripping my movie ticket: enjoy your movie
me: you too

21slugs:

sad with a hint of horny

reallyreallyreallytrying:

yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger

im-the-story-teller:

mydrunkkitchen:

gyllenhaha:

you can smell someone peeling an orange from literally 40 miles away

AND I LOVE IT

I PEEL THEM ON PLANES

I misread this as peeing an orange

setsunameiou:

i googled “why do cats run around and meow at night” and one of the results listed this as a cause:

image

(Source: qjx)

plantkitten:

u have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting 

(Source: andromeda4002019)

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chubby-punx:

My goal is to be very, very cute but also very, very spooky

shaxaphone:

cute things to call your girlfriend:

1. sugar 
2. honey 
3. flour 
4. egg 
5. 1/2lb butter 
6. stir 
7. pour into pan 
8. preheat to 375°